Written by John Perez, Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor
I love to watch Shark Week every July. One of my favorite things to watch are great white sharks hunting seals. Living in the wild is extremely difficult, and survival is one of the most important things to do in the animal kingdom. For predators, your ability to hunt and catch your food is essential for survival. For the prey, your ability to hide, run or fight back is literally a matter of life and death. It is a constant cat-and-mouse game. Nature has its way of ensuring survival for both the predator and the prey, which are adaptations over time. One great example is the adaptations each of the before
mentioned animals have when interacting with one another. On the one hand, the shark’s top side is dark, to camouflage itself from the seal when it looks into the depths. The seals have adapted to be nimble and evasive. Sometimes the shark wins, and sometimes the seal wins. It makes for epic television!
Notice the title of this blog though; survival of the ‘fittest’. The misconception seems to have always been survival of the ‘strongest’. If you go back to the seal versus shark, by every metric available the shark is by far the strongest animal between the two. But the shark does not always win. It is estimated that shark attacks are successful 40-55 percent of the time when hunting seals by breaching. Survival does not necessarily depend on strength. Survival depends on your ability to adapt. So what does this have to do with trauma? In my experiences, people tend to think that keeping everything on the inside and not talking about issues or problems is a sign of strength. People tend to think that being stoic and showing no emotion is courageous. And in some instances, it can be. But I believe it takes true strength to admit you are struggling and to find help. Did you know that the first trees to break when a hurricane makes landfall are the most rigid ones? The trees that are flexible, that can bend and not break are the ones that survive. Adaptation is like the age-old adage of “rolling with the punches.” Flexibility, adjusting your strategy, being willing to think outside the box and try new things are characteristics of the person that survives by adaptation.
When healing from a trauma, or making it through an incredibly stressful time period (perhaps a pandemic where everyone is mandated to be indoors for the foreseeable future, anyone?) the ability to adapt will be an extremely valuable skill to hone. Doing the ‘same ol same ol’ may not cut it; we have to get creative. We have to be willing to step out of our comfort zone. We have to be willing to try new things, or be open to new ideas or new ways of living. This is adaptation. And though it might be scary to put yourself in a position to try new things or say to yourself “something has to change”, I want to tell you today that you are not alone in that sentiment. People in general fear the unknown! It is easier to stick with what we know rather than try something new, even if the something new looks promising and better than what we’ve tried or are currently doing.
For some final thoughts, here are some questions to ask yourself to increase psychological flexibility, or the ability to adapt. Are you willing to take a look at your belief system? In what ways have your beliefs about people, the way the world works, or how you view yourself, influence the emotions you experience or how you behave? Can some of these beliefs be challenged? What behaviors continue to keep you stuck? What emotional pain are you trying to avoid? What things have been difficult to accept in your life, and are you willing to allow what has happened to you or your loved one be a part of the story? You don’t have to like that part of your story, nor do you have to believe it is right or good, but it will always be a part of your story. And the best part is, you have the power to change the ending! I encourage you to increase your adaptability to life and stress. What do you have to lose?